Kelowna Grief Counselling
Kelowna Grief Counselling can help you to get through this unfortunate time of your life and the pain that you are experiencing.
According to the Webster’s dictionary,
Grief is defined as the pain of mind on account of something in the past; mental suffering arising from any cause, as misfortune, loss of friends, misconduct of one’s self or others, etc.; sorrow; sadness.
Interactive Counselling understands grief is a mixture of feelings that we experience when we lose someone or something of significance to us. Feelings like: shock, numbness, sadness, anger, guilt, anxiety, fear, mixed with small moments of relief, peace, and happiness. However, while all these feelings can be overwhelming, they are normal and they are needful. These feelings can cause confusion and uncertainty through the grieving process, which is why we are here to help.
It is how we process loss, and you don’t need to do it alone.
Types of Grief
At Interactive Counselling, we understand there are different types of grief and are often labeled according to situation, duration, and severity of symptoms.
Firstly, there is ‘normal grief’ that most people will feel at different junctures in their lives.
Secondly, another kind of grief is called by many names; complicated grief, persistent complex bereavement disorder, separation trauma, traumatic grief or prolonged acute grief. For instance, the symptoms of this type of grief are described as preoccupation with a loved one, excessive loneliness, longing and yearning for the loved one, and difficulty doing everyday things without the loved one.
Thirdly, and not less important, is anticipatory grief which happens during the time that our loved one is sick and dying. This type of grief helps prepare us for the impending loss. Coping with loss can be painful, sometimes traumatic and is not limited to loss through death.
Losses
Some losses that can cause deep grief include:
- Divorce or relationship breakup
- Loss of health
- Losing a job and loss of financial stability
- A miscarriage
- Retirement
- Death of a loved one
- Death of a pet
- Loss of a cherished dream
- A loved one’s serious illness
- Loss of a friendship
- Loss of safety after a trauma
- Selling the family home or moving to another city/town
Grief Counselling’s Advice
Grief is hard and it certainly is not fun.
The truth of the matter is many people are not equipped or “ready” to deal with grief, so they seek out information to help them cope and may come across contradictory advice.
Kelowna Grief Counselling lists the ones that do not work.
The pain will go away faster if you ignore it.
The truth is that trying to ignore your pain will only make it worse in the long run. For real healing to happen, it is necessary for you to acknowledge your pain and actively deal with it. Just know that it is OK and very normal to feel sad!
It is normal to feel sad, frightened, or lonely when faced with loss, and you don’t need to pretend to be OK all of the time. Actively processing your feelings, and dealing with them in a way that is suitable to you is important. Just because one person grieves one way, does not mean that everyone does, and you don’t need to apologize for it.
Crying DOES NOT mean you are weak. It is not your job to protect your family or friends by pretending to be brave. In other words, showing your true feelings can help them and you at the same time. And, this is especially important when there are small children involved. They need to know that it is normal to feels sad and cry and chances are high that you would validate their feelings and support them in their pain. YOU DESERVE THIS TOO!
Some think ff you don’t cry, it means you that aren’t sad about the loss. While crying is a relatively normal response to sadness; it’s not the only one. People show grief in different MANY different ways. What works for one does not necessarily work for someone else. It is OK to grieve the way that feels right for you!
Grieving should last about a year.
There is no time frame and length of time it takes differs from person to person.
Moving on with your life means forgetting about your loss.
Moving on means you’ve accepted your loss; not forgotten it. Above all, it is completely normal to move forward with your life and keep the memory of someone or something you lost as an important part of you. The truth is these memories can become the most important way that we define ourselves.
Interactive Counselling wants you to remember
Other helpful things to remember while you move through your grief is:
- First and foremost, acknowledge your pain and accept that you are in pain. It is OK!
- Be aware that grief can trigger many different and unexpected emotions. It can feel like an emotional roller coaster!
- Your grieving process will be unique to you. There is no right way or wrong way.
- Find support from people who care about you.
- Support yourself by taking care of yourself physically. This one will feel hard but it is very important that your physical self is maintained.
- While this one is more difficult, try to recognize the difference between grief and depression and if you don’t know, ask a professional.
Stages of Grief
There are 5 stages to grief;
- Denial,
- Anger,
- Bargaining,
- Depression, and
- Acceptance.
While Kubler-Ross created this to help explain grief, it was for the grief someone goes through when they find out they are dying.
Still, it is helpful in explaining what grief can look like and what you might expect when experiencing grief.
- Denial: The first reaction is denial. In this stage, individuals believe the diagnosis is somehow mistaken, and cling to a false, preferable reality.
- Anger: When denial of the situation is no longer an option, a person will become frustrated. “Why me? It’s not fair!”; “How can this happen to me?”; “Who is to blame?”; “Why would this happen?”.
- Bargaining: This stage involves the hope that an individual will not have to experience grief. An individual will attempt to negotiate for an extended life in exchange for something important to them. For example, a person could negotiate with God to attend a daughter’s wedding in exchange for a reformed lifestyle, or say things such as “If I could trade their life for mine”.
- Depression: Loss of hope, “why bother?”
- Acceptance
Other emotional symptoms important to Grief Counselling
Yet, Interactive Counselling calls your attention to other emotional symptoms you can experience includes:
- Shock and disbelief: This is part of the denial stage. It can be hard to believe that someone you lost is gone; that it really happened. You still expect them to see them; to tell you it was a mistake.
- Sadness: This is the stage of depression and is the most universally experienced symptom of grief. Feelings of emptiness, despair, yearning, or deep loneliness may be experienced during this time and you may also cry a lot or feel emotionally unstable.
- Guilt: You may feel regret or feel guilty about things said or not said, things you did or did not do. You may also feel guilty about feeling relieved if the person died after a long, difficult illness.
- Anger: You may feel angry and resentful. Depending on the circumstances you may be angry with yourself, at God, the doctors, or even the person who died for abandoning you. Trigger fears about your own mortality and make you question your abilities to deal with things yourself.
Interactive Counselling will help you to cope
To help support yourself through your grief in the best way possible, remember to embrace your feelings; it is ok!
Interactive Counselling will help you coping with grief. For example:
- Try expressing them through journaling, writing a letter to yourself or loved one, or scrap book a celebration of the life that was lost.
- Try to maintain hobbies and interests; there is comfort in routine and doing the things that give us joy.
- Plan ahead for your grief triggers; this includes all holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, and other milestones.
- Talk to friend and family who may participate in get togethers; let them know what you are comfortable with talking about.
Physical symptoms
Emotional symptoms can turn into physical symptoms over time.
These can include feeling unbelievable fatigue, nausea, a lowered immune system, weight loss or gain, aches and pains in various parts of your body, and sleeping to much or too little.
Depression
Sometimes, in addition, our grief can turn into depression and it isn’t always easy to tell the difference.
Grief can be a roller coaster of emotions. Therefore, you will experience good and bad days. You should pay attention to the following symptoms that may suggest that you have moved into a depression:
- Intense, pervasive sense of guilt
- Thoughts of suicide or a preoccupation with dying
- Feel like life isn’t worth living
- Blame yourself for the loss or for failing to prevent it
- Feel numb or disconnected from others for more than a few weeks
- Feelings of hopelessness or worthlessness
- Slow speech and body movements; feeling lethargic
- Unable to function normally at home, work, or school
- Seeing or hearing things that aren’t there
If you question if your grief has turned into depression, consult with your doctor or a mental health professional!
For instance, I have had clients ask if antidepressants can help grief. The answer is while medication can help relieve some of the symptoms, it doesn’t treat the cause which is the loss. While numbing the pain sounds like a good thing, the pain must be worked through and antidepressants will only delay the mourning process.
Above all, if you’re experiencing symptoms of complicated grief or clinical depression, talk to a mental health professional right away.
Left untreated, complicated grief and depression can lead to significant emotional damage, health problems, and even suicide. Treatment can help you get better.
Kelowna Grief Counselling
In conclusion, give yourself a way Interactive Counselling. We are available for you. With us, you get the support you need for each step of the way to lead a more positive and healthy life with a sense of closure from your loss.
Please, contact our services by using our book system below or just call us.